Overcoming objections.

Today is the National Speech and Debate Day, which inspired me to share this communication tip with you.

Whenever you are debating someone, or trying change their point of view, you will often experience resistance, and you will hear an objection.  

The natural tendency is to immediately jump into overcoming that objection, but that's not going to be productive, no matter how good your argument is, and how solid your facts are. The truth is that before we try to convince someone, we need to first validate what they said. Because when you jump straight into a rebuttal, the other person will immediately have their guard up and will not hear you. And simply saying "Yes, I understand, but..." is not enough. It actually sounds more like a dismissal of the other person’s feelings. You want to demonstrate that you really heard them, and that you can step into their shoes even for a moment.

Validating doesn't always mean agreeing, it simply means that you are willing to see why someone might think or feel a certain way.

For example, if someone tells me:

"I don't want to do public speaking because it scares me and gives me anxiety." 

I might respond with: 

"I hear you... Public speaking is one of the biggest fears for most people. The nerves you feel are very normal, it's a natural reaction of your brain to protect you. And at the same time, there's a way to overcome that anxiety and transform your fear into fuel, which will make you a memorable and powerful speaker. "

If you fail to validate what someone says, they will not be open to your perspective on things. So first -  validate, show active listening and empathy; then elegantly pivot and invite them to see your point of view. 

Happy Speaking!